The past days have been filled with many emotional threats (for reasons I will explain later). It's amazing how I am still sane, now as I think about it. It's just really been crazy.
Conflict + Tension Experienced quite the peak of it in family trip. Just really only thank God that He helped me subdue most of my angry outbursts. Told JH was on the verge of breaking down. No kidding.
Aloneness Even though the trip was just pretty much a week long, coming back felt rather different for me. Suddenly, it just felt as if I was away for months... Really bewildering and irrational. So, I think it's just the devil trying to plant negative thoughts into my head. Cos come on, I know that there are people who genuinely love me.. And even if no one does, I will always have Daddy God.
Frustrations + Discouragement At the state of certain things in ministry. Why certain things never seem to improve but get worse. But I tell myself that it's just a passing phase and God is reminding me that He still is in control even though things seem bleak and hopeless for quite a long while. And maybe to spur me on to be more desperate to want change.
Panic Realising my pouch containing my iPhone and small purse with my money (and poor JH's money) could most probably be stolen.. And the hardest thing was to tell my Mom because I knew very well she would fly into a rage (the rest of the admin stuff could mostly be settled without much hassle seriously).
Idiotic For being an idiot to leave my stuff lying around. And just simply that.
Losing dignity Being scolded in front of everybody (or at least in audible range). Seriously not a very shiok feeling. Took every ounce of me to contain it in (though I lost it every now and then).
Comfort Receiving the many hugs and love and prayers and encouraging words. I am just amazed by the love of everyone. It takes something like this to realise that I am not alone. That people (at least in the kingdom of God) love. Just super duper amazed. Wanna thank people (in kinda chronological order)(in case my memory fails me..I wanna remember every single good moment) like Sabrina for being with me the whole time (and sorry that you weren't spared from the harshness haha), JH of course for comforting me, my sister for defending me and telling me it's ok, Hongxia for hugging me and praying for me, Weiping for hugging me, Lighthouse Zoe for coming to me and supporting me, Eagles for being genuinely concerned and supportive (I could feel it..thanks really), Lighthouse Sophia for believing in me and praying for me, Jethro for patting my shoulder, Violet for listening to me (love you dear!), Matthew for lending me his phone so I could change some of my passwords, Isaac for saying that it's ok and that JH will help cover some cost (haha.. but that was sweet), the whole of D.I. for that surprise encouragement (I was really stunned for words), Papa for calling me up at camp to make sure I was ok coz I scared him for a while just now, Elissa for calling me up when she saw my Facebook update. Wow.. really really really a lot of people I'm filled with gratitude for. My sincere apologies if I left anyone out, but do know that I'm really in gratitude and amazement for your love and support. And also..mommy for comforting me after the hysterics. Anybody wanna be in my shoes? Hee.
Respected Thanking God seriously for JH for being ever so understanding.. Like God-given to help me through it.. And I believe it just drew us closer. I'm more transparent now and he doesn't mind a single bit of it. Coolios, right?
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So, I believe things happen for a reason. Whatever the bad that had happened, there will always be a good side to it. It is a painful lesson - one with much learning pointers..and actually come to think of it, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Once in a lifetime (hopefully just once) experience.
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In addition to spiritual lessons, there are also certain secular ones to learn too.. Like how a police report is being made, how to request for CCTV and really like detective-style look for clues in the video (though it gets quite boring after a while.. imagine staring at the timeline captured from 1400 through to 1700..) Spotted some clues though.. But don't wanna jump to conclusions too fast about the theft. Very much tempted to be angry at the suspect, but I pray for the resolve to forgive. Aiya, actually hor.. I just want my stuff back..coz got precious memories inside.
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Anyway, I learnt most about the power of Words in the camp. And the power of believing. But that's for another time coz I'm sleepy and I have Genting trip tomorrow. Cheong cheong cheong. (just write here first in case I forget later)
Was just reading Our Journey today and found today's materials intriguing (I'm using the Sep - Nov 2009 issue, not the 30 day one, so might be different from the rest of D.I.)
"Do not say, 'I'll pay you back for this wrong!' Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you." - Proverbs 20:22.
Why do we sing "Jesus, take the wheel" but not "Jesus, take the bat"? What is the difference between standing up for yourself and sinfully seeking vengeance? How can you tell if you're fighting for justice or simply being selfish?
Really stumped by these questions.
Maybe the answer's in Matthew 5:39-42 "...Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also...If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
I remember being wronged many times and I definitely know how tough it is to let go of the right to take revenge (be it in actions or words or just a simple act of rolling my eyes).. I don't think I was successful in it many times, but I really pray that God will change my heart.
Jesus was the perfect example huh. Being wronged by humans - accused of being in cahoots with the devil and stuff.. He WAS INNOCENT. He COULD HAVE just proved Himself to be God there and then. But He didn't. He knew that God had the right to take vengeance.. and vengeance not against Man, but against the devil.
Happy 25th Jun Hoong! May God continue to bless your heart! And lead you to greater intimacy and glory! *huggies*
Thank yews JH for co-leading the wonderful time of worship and prayer! Thank You, Lord, for touching our hearts! Thank yews JH for the sweet sweet song.. Thank yews JH for laughing at silly things together with me.. Thank yews JH for accepting me just the way I am.. the whole package..
So, it is my heartfelt prayer that God will bless you abundantly in all that yew do! God is faithful, ya?
This is just an awesome awesome song. Lyrics are simply just so rich. Not a lot of words.. but wow..
[verse] The more I seek You The more I find You The more I find You The more I love You
[chorus] I wanna sit at Your feet Drink from the cup in Your hand Lay back against You and breathe Feel Your heartbeat This love is so deep It's more than I can stand I melt in Your peace It's overwhelming
Yesterday, a salesperson called up my dad saying that he had been chosen to receive a travel package to Hong Kong or Taiwan sponsored by Hong Kong's Tourism Board. I was like "whatever.. confirm scam". They said that he and his wife (aka my mom) must go down personally to collect it or something. So, my Dad, being streetwise, said he wasn't interested.
Then today, they called again. I think it's from Dynasty Travel or something. Once again, my dad said he wasn't interested. So, they asked him why. He said, "Oh, because I called the Tourism Board of Hong Kong to ask them if there was really such a promotion. And they said no." With that, the salesperson said sorry and hung up.
Haha. The thing was, my dad didn't even call the Tourism Board in the first place! Haha.. shrewd Dad.
Well, by God's grace, I finally finished a song which had been collecting dust for about a few months last night.
Pardon the horrible singing coz I did it within 1 hr at about 12am. Might redo it when I have the time. But it sounds quite decent la.. hor?
Anyway, this song is a song of thanksgiving to the Lord for seeing me through a particular rough time I experienced recently. His love is faithful!
Composer: Carol Elizabeth
Verse: I've been in and out Lost for so long Riding on this roller coaster ride Couldn't hold on no more
Then You softly whispered Next to my ear Just like always, never failing I know You are near
Chorus: I've found my hope in You Leaving the hurts behind and now I run to You I know my future is secured in Your hands And so with all I am, I will I will trust in You
Bridge: Hold me in Your arms Never let me go Your promise gives me freedom I was lost but now I'm found (I'm here before Your throne)
I slept at 1am to make sure that I would have sufficient sleep, and woke up at 8am. So, I did have 7 hours of sleep. BUT I still feel very tired and fatigued, and I couldn't concentrate in lecture today. So, right there and then I decided that I will rush home after lessons and then hit the bed. And I did. =)
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Anyway, I just wanted to blog about a mini-revelation I received from the Lord today. I was just travelling by bus home and I came across a Panadol ad. (Btw, I was also having a bit of tension headache so the ad just kinda like popped out right in front of me)
People reach out for panadols for fast relief of headaches (at least they believe they do). This is ok, in a sense, but it doesn't address the root problem.
Panadols (which don't work for me coz that's what my doctor said.. YOU SHOULD NOT EAT PANADOL COZ THAT WILL AGGRAVATE YOUR SITUATION) are for pain relief. To completely remove or effectively prevent subsequent ones, one should then go to the root of the problem. Perhaps it could be a lifestyle problem?
Maybe, just maybe, people are so caught up in their hectic lifestyles that they feel justified in their lifestyles..which does make some sense in a way. Maybe it'll take too much sacrifices to live in a healthy lifestyle? Maybe it takes too much effort?
It's kinda like the same in Christianity, eh? Sometimes, when we feel troubled, we want fast relief. But maybe we also aren't all that disciplined to reflect on what is causing our root problem. Is it not enough time spent with God? Is it some hidden pride issue? These are just perhaps the things that we may find difficult to do. God's comfort will come. He will give it when we ask. I think that we should also think further? Not to use God as a wish-granter to be exploited, but to really get into a steady relationship with Him. And this is what takes time and effort and discipline.
Hmm. If it was easy to be discipline oneself, we wouldn't need discipline masters.
I haven't been disciplined lately. Maybe that's my biggest problem. Maybe that's why I suffered in my walk.
If God should ask me a question, it'll most probably be something like this, "Why is it that you can spend so much time on your lecture notes and assignments and yet not spend the same devotion in studying My Words?"
Hur. Yeap. And I wonder why.
Just the D word. Makes all the difference. At least for now it seems.
For my birthday wish, I really just wish that I'd be wiser. To learn how to discern by carefully listening to the voice of God.
